Child's Mindset Development - with Rahima Khoja

Child's Mindset Development - with Rahima Khoja

Rahima Khoja is a mom, an international speaker, an educator, and Founder and Director of Invincible Kids.

She passionately informs, ignites, and inspires the kids to choose better thinking thoughts. Rahima Khoja is a voice for the Invincible Child, and this is her story.

[1:05] Who is an invincible kid?
[4:15] Power shifts and empowerment of a child
[10:53] Child’s inner voice formation
[16:24] From enabling to empowering
[22:32] About self-talk
[26:58] Complimentary consultation
[28:39] Message to the past self
[29:58] Message from the future self

Learn more about Invincible Kids program and Rahima Khoja
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Victoria Rader [00:00:02] In the world of many internal and external voices, the voice you listen to is the voice that dictates your life, would you like to discover a clear path to a life of freedom and fulfillment? Then welcome to All About the Voice podcast, where we focus on awareness, alignment and action in order to live a life of abundance. I am your host, Victoria Rader.

Victoria Rader [00:00:28] Rahima Khoja is a mom, an international speaker and educator and founder and director of Invincible Kids. She passionately informs, ignites and inspires the kids to choose better thinking thoughts. Here’s Rahima, a voice for the invincible child. All right, and here with me today is my wonderful friend and founder and director of Invincible Kids Rahima Khoja. Rahima. Welcome to All About the Voice podcast.

Rahima Khoja [00:00:59] Thank you so much for having me here. Victoria, I’m so excited.

Victoria Rader [00:01:05] Rahima, tell me, what does it mean to be an invincible kid? I just want to dig into the name from the get go.

Rahima Khoja [00:01:11] Absolutely. Well, what it means to be invincible is the ability to overcome challenges, the ability to really not let yourself get down about anything, the ability to overcome whatever may come your way. And I really find with a lot of children when they are faced with disappointments or challenges, they actually do not have the tools to handle them. And that’s what invincible kids it’s all about. It’s about, you know, helping them in this process of developing belief systems so they can get through the rest of their lives with confidence and success and these tools that will actually carry them through.

Victoria Rader [00:02:00] Wow. So I’m picking up obviously resilience and confidence as to amazing things that you’re doing and you’re talking about mindset and you’re talking about the practical skill set. Is that correct?

Rahima Khoja [00:02:12] Absolutely. Yes, it’s the practical skill set. It’s about what we do is we not only empower the kids through mindset development, you know, many times people may think that, OK, you know, what is this type of counseling or what is it? It’s actually mindset training. So what we teach children is they learn to think about a situation in a certain way that supports them rather than bringing them down, which would end up leading to stress and anxiety and fear. And when we give them these tools at such a young age, we’re really setting them up for success. We work on children from the ages of six to 12. So many times it’s these younger children that I have as clients, and they learn to think about a situation in such a different way, and they understand that they actually have this ability to choose their thoughts. So rather than, you know, a situation coming to them where they feel down and they feel upset and disappointment and they, you know, they end up comparing themselves to other children, what it’s all about is helping them to understand how unique they are. They all have these beautiful gifts that they bring to this world, and it’s about giving them the tools to learn how to change those thoughts and to what we call power shifting. I use the adventures and wisdom curriculum, and in the curriculum we talk about power shifting and the grudges, you know, when they’re able to actually identify these feelings that are not really nice for them that they don’t really like and they identify these feelings. They know that, OK, when they’re feeling this way, they need to power shift and the power shift to better thinking thoughts. And when they power shifted better thinking thoughts, then everything else comes their way and they’re able to just look at the situation differently.

Victoria Rader [00:04:15] Now I know I can apply that to adult site. I get grudges. I get a good deal too. So. So you know, you got my attention. So now give me one example of power shift and then a practical tool for us, like, is there a difference between a six year old and a 12 year old? That’s your, you know, difference. Give me an example of that. Let’s say I am upset because somebody took something that belongs to me. In my case, it’s my copyrighted got stolen in a six year old case. It might be a truck and a 12 year old case. It might be, I don’t know, you know, I have a thing for a girl or whatever, so give me some practical shifts.

Rahima Khoja [00:04:59] Absolutely. Well, a six year old or I had a seven year old who his mom came to me because he really had an issue where he felt that, for example, he didn’t have any friends. It was a new school, new environment, new challenges that he faced. And so he had this feeling that really nobody likes me and I don’t have any friends. OK. So how do we power shifts the way that he’s thinking? Well, actually, I myself, I know that I’m an amazing friend. I know that I am kind. I am a good person. I am giving. And I know that the right friend will come to me. So that’s OK. I’m going to step out of my comfort zone. I’m going to face the fear and I’m going to go to somebody that I want to be a friend with, and I’m going to say, can I play with you today? Would you like to be my friend today? And I actually gave this tool to one of my clients, and the following week when I had a session with him, he said, I have so many friends now. It’s amazing because they turn their thoughts around in terms of believing in themselves and when they believe in themselves, and they know that they can face that fear and step out of that comfort zone. They feel that they are so empowered and they take back that power. The power is no longer in their outside of the environment. It’s actually within them. So when that power is within them and they understand that the world is their oyster, that’s what ends up happening. And this same child, funny enough, a couple of weeks later, if you said, well, you know, today at recess, I didn’t really have anyone to play with and I said, So what did you do? Well, I just played on my own and I said, Well, how was that? I had so much fun. Are you the one that told me that you can become your own best friend? And I said, Yes, absolutely, right. Yeah. So huge. They’re so comfortable within themselves that whether they have that group of friends or whether that particular day they’re just on their own, it’s actually OK. They don’t feel that need because the need is satisfied from within them.

Victoria Rader [00:07:27] Well, you know, this is really applicable to, I think everybody I’m trying remember. I think Jim Rohn was the one that said, we don’t get in life what we want, we get in life who we are and by you empowering them to be a friend then they attract friends, I think is just huge. And we’d often talk about adults recovering their childhood trauma. But you went a step ahead and you are empowering the kids to know how to bounce back from or through or prior to any kind of trauma. Have you had any stories or kids? I know we can’t have names that have gone through something more serious. And how were you able to empower them?

Rahima Khoja [00:08:11] Yes, absolutely. I’m working with a young girl right now who was bullied at school. She’s an older. She is now 11 years old. She was not only bullied at school, but she chose certain actions. And when choosing these actions or when she was with these friends of hers, who she thought were very close friends. But, you know, behind her back, they were saying things that were very hurtful to her, to the point where her mom had to pull her out of school. And now she’s just online because she’s just not comfortable being at school. And what I am working on with her now is that self-esteem. We are working on building from the inside out. So no matter what she is feeling or no matter what she is doing, she is so strong within herself that she’s able to overcome what happens in that outside world and what the bullies come to her with because the bullies may come to her and say, What are you wearing today? Like, how can you be dressed like that? How can you look like that? Now, of course, it’s hurtful to her, and there’s the power shifting again because she’s feeling these grudges. She knows that now, OK, she needs to PowerShift. Actually, I looked at myself in the mirror today and I was really happy with what I saw. So it doesn’t matter what you’re going to say to me, I’m OK

Victoria Rader [00:09:53] as this huge, I think, you know, because for some of us, there might be an inner child that is leaning in. And if you have children, I know you’re taking notes but realize if you don’t, there is a hungry inner child that is taking mental notes right now. And if you have a mirror nearby, just go stop by and say, Hey, I like what I see.

Rahima Khoja [00:10:13] Give yourself five. Absolutely. And there’s so many ways that we can help our children to develop this resilience and to develop this positive self-talk today. You know, when they’re brushing their teeth, they look in the mirror. Today, I’m going to make a difference in the world. Today I’m going to walk through my fears. Every day is a fresh start and today is a fresh start for me. And when they actually look themselves in the eye and they are talking to themselves like that where they’re building. Themselves up rather than tearing themselves down. That’s where all the magic happens.

Victoria Rader [00:10:53] Know, I believe that now, Rahima, what do you see in terms of the child’s inner voice formation, like you are shifting the inner voice? Where do those first words that they hear come from?

Victoria Rader [00:11:07] The first words that they hear many times they end up coming from their parents are from, you know, even at a young age, from their school environment, when they’re at preschool or their peers, their teachers. And one thing that I really want to bring out in this interview is that when a child connects with their inner voice and many times the challenges and the ethical dilemmas that they face constantly on a daily basis, what happened is that gives them the actual opportunity to connect with that inner voice. Now what is that inner voice telling them? Well, what has that environment told them as a parent? How are you building your child’s self-esteem as a caregiver, as a teacher? What are you saying to your child? Are you giving them the inclination to say that they can or that they can’t when they can’t? Are you telling them that it’s OK to give up? Are you telling them to find another way? Are you telling them that with whatever skills that they have that they can develop those skills? OK, maybe you can’t do this yet, but we are going to figure out a way for you to get better and better at it. So how are you helping the children in your life to become more resilient, to build that self-esteem and that self-confidence from within, from the inside out? What are you saying to your child that is going to give them that positive self-talk? And, you know, for children to recognize and understand their inner voice at a young age, in the end, it helps them to understand themselves better later on. And that’s really the true key to happiness and confidence. It’s about listening to themselves. What are they thinking, truly hearing themselves, identifying and understanding the self taught. And when they look in the mirror, when they need somebody new, when they’re about to do something nervous, what are they saying to themselves? How can they overcome this? And that’s really where the caregiver or the parents or the teacher that’s where they come in. So what are you doing for your child or for the children in your life today?

Victoria Rader [00:13:38] So really, you are working with the child, but you’re working with the child environment, which is the family or the caregiver, correct?

Rahima Khoja [00:13:45] Absolutely. Absolutely. I’m working with both. I’m working with the parents and with the child. And you know what we do, what we do at invisible kids. We inform, we ignite and we inspire. And how do we do that when we inform? We teach. We give the knowledge to the parents, to the child and really help them to understand and recognize these big feelings. And that level of understanding is then taught to the child. How do we ignite? Well, we ignite feelings of connection. One of the most basic human needs when we enter the world is to connect. So how do I connect with my clients? I have meaningful conversations with them. I am present. I don’t judge. And I accept the child for who they truly are, not for who their parents might want them to be or who I want them to be, but who they are truly from within. And then how do we inspire? Well, we teach them that they actually have choices. We empower them. We help them to understand that they can actually choose their thoughts and they can choose better thoughts so their abilities are not set in stone. They can learn from their mistakes. And what ends up happening is they view failure and challenge as a chance to grow and learn from it. So this is so inspirational and empowering for them. Children end up becoming their own inspirations. They believe that they have these amazing, unique gifts and they bring all of this to the world. And so I have this one. It’s such a funny story. I have this young little boy. And he said I gave him a bracelet and I said, You know, we have to remember to PowerShift and the bracelet was there to remind him. The bracelet said, Choose. So choose would be, you know, choose the empowering thought. You have the ability to choose the better thinking thought so, he said, I’m going to give one to my mom, so I said, really, what are you going to put on it? I’m going to say choose, and I said, Why would you think that that would be appropriate for your mom? Because sometimes when we’re driving in traffic and she takes a wrong turn, he gets so frustrated and she ends up having the grungy and order to know that she can choose a better thinking thought

Victoria Rader [00:16:10] This is so fantastic now just to kind of get these lined up for me. I love this transition to inform, ignite and inspire into invincibility, right? You got the four eyes going on the forum and ignite and inspire. Now, as you were saying something about one of your client children, what registered for me was, you said, you know, even though you can’t do this yet. Now what I saw in that pattern is phenomenal because you validated that they weren’t able to do it. You didn’t go. You got it. You got it. You got it. Which I think disempowers, you know, a child you validated. You are not doing it yet. So I look at that and then a next thing you said, you know, you love them and accept them as they are meaning at a point of failure or struggle or because we’re all becoming here. So talk to me a little bit about this whole thing that parents could benefit the difference of choosing better thoughts from enabling to empowering. How do you see the difference between enabling a child? Because, you know, I think parents that are listening to this already are not disempowering their children. They already are looking for ways to be positive. But I find that sometimes under the mask of positivity, a lot of children are being enabled versus empowered. Do you see that in your practice? And how do you help parents and children shift out of kind of being enabled, doing mediocre job for the sake of, you know, fear of harming self-esteem into truly empowering them?

Rahima Khoja [00:17:53] Well, the whole idea there is when a child feels that they have choices and when they understand that, OK, I can either choose this way or that way. And when they choose a particular way that facilitates this empowerment where they know, OK, they can do better, it may not happen yet, but they know that they can do it. Now, as a parent, you’re obviously their cheerleader, right? You can do it, you can do it, but it’s OK if you can’t do it yet. We’re going to keep on practicing and we’re going to help you develop this skill. And every day, as we practice, you will get better and better. And you know what? Then you’ll be able to do it. And it’s all about giving them these choices where, you know, they feel that empowerment within integral kids. We teach through stories, and the reason that we use the stories is children really identify with the character. So they see these characters in these stories struggle with everyday life and situations that they can actually relate to. So they are seen, as you know, obviously a powerful learning tool because they imprint a picture in our mind and a feeling, of course, in our hearts. It’s such a powerful way to connect to the child. So as a wisdom coach, the stories have a character called Wyatt the wise wizard. And why at the wise wizard knows when a child has the grudges. So he appears out of nowhere, and he says, I can see that there is some Grundy’s happening here, and the child in the story will say, I’m feeling like this. This is what happened to me today. You know, I don’t know what to do, and I’m just feeling awful. And they relate not only to the child, but they remember Wyatt, the wise wizard advice, and they take that advice and they apply it to their everyday life. So what happens? Children end up learning without lecture, and they actually get to see their skills in action, so it creates an experience for them, and it leads to deeper learning. So when a child, especially a younger child, when they can actually relate to a child in a story and they see, OK, this is happening to them, how are they going to feel empowered? Well, they’re going to follow what the character is doing and what the Wyatt the wise wizard says to do. And they’re going to say, Oh my goodness, this actually works. And with all of my clients, one of the main things that they feel that has worked the best for them is the whole power shift. Technique where they actually feel that they can power shift from a negative thought to a positive thought, and they don’t have to sit in that negativity. So they learn how to switch their thoughts to positive thoughts. And of course, it’s going to take a little bit of time. And it’s a habit. It’s a new habit that has to be formed. But then it’s like this light goes on and they think, Oh my goodness, I don’t have to think that way. I can actually think this way. And I feel so much better. So they have this inspiration and this motivation, and they understand themselves better. So, you know, my clients have come to me and they said, we’re not sad anymore. We’re so much happier because we know we understand ourselves better. We actually like ourselves better. And what ends up happening? This transfers to the academic side of it. So when they actually believe in themselves and they have that within them, it’s all about mindset. It’s 90 percent mindset, even if you study your math and your problems for hours on end. If you believe that you can’t do it, how is it going to happen?

Victoria Rader [00:22:01] Oh, it’s brilliant. Brilliant. You know, use of play. I think what happens there are now a psychological level to the mirror neurons are triggered for the kids and they’re mirroring the desired behaviors. I think so many parents can sometimes forget that saying does not trigger mirror neurons, but doing does, which is why our kids are standing there and saying, Show us and we will perform, tell us and we will forget.

Rahima Khoja [00:22:30] Absolutely. And we don’t. Self-Talk makes up 80 percent of the conversations that we really have. And so when a child learns about self-talk and some of them, even when I start teaching them, they don’t know what self-talk is. So all these thoughts that you know, kind of come into come into their head, you know, we know thoughts are basically worse that are put together in their mind. But a lot of children, they don’t know that. They don’t realize that. And a lot of times they paint a picture in a child’s mind and that’s what the child will end up acting on. So with the self-talk, when they learn how to switch it to self-talk that actually supports them rather than brings them down, it opens up a new world for them.

Victoria Rader [00:23:14] Love it. Love it. Rahima know what inspired you to create this beautiful path for children, this invincible kids.

Rahima Khoja [00:23:24] Well, when I was in Canada, I did my undergraduate degree here, and then I moved to South Africa in South Africa. I decided to change career paths, and my post-graduate studies were in early childhood development. So when I started teaching in South Africa, there’s something that I just noticed within, you know, the children there and some of them, they weren’t able to express themselves very well. They, you know, kind of sink into a shell. They shied away from opportunity. They couldn’t manage anxiety. And they didn’t have the confidence that I saw in other children. So I thought to myself, Well, why are some just so opposite to others and what I realized, what it was actually all shaped by experiences. And with those experiences as a caregiver or as a parent or as a teacher, you are one of those people that are actually giving them these experiences. So what kind of experiences are you giving them? What? We don’t realize that many times with a child’s mindset, it ends up being based on their limitations rather than their possibilities. So are we really allowing our child or our children to dream and to open up those possibilities for them? So this is what I saw in the children that I was teaching there. And although that I was teaching in traditional subjects and English and math and science, I decided to do more research and find out, OK, well, how can I help these children that are not there yet? And what can I do to get them on that path? So that when they’re faced with these challenges or disappointments that they see every day in their school life, they don’t have the tools to handle them. How do I give them these tools? And for me, that’s where my passion came in to teach them in nontraditional methods. So when they learn about the power of their mind, they may have all this knowledge. But if they don’t understand the power of the mind and the power of their thoughts, the knowledge is not going to be of much use to them because they don’t know how to put it to use.

Victoria Rader [00:25:38] Yeah, information becomes transformational only through action, right? And that’s whole Ignite concept to give them information you ignite and you. Inspire them, I love everything about this topic and and kind of teaching him about self-talk. Hearing their thoughts, knowing that they have a choice. And yeah, like I said, we can apply it to an inner child of any age, you know?

Rahima Khoja [00:26:01] You know, I know, you know, I have so much feedback from many of the parents and the parents also. They also tell me they’re just learning so much about themselves as the child learns because we send this little whole worksheet with the child every week about what we did and when parents engage in these conversations with their children. They end up learning so much more about themselves. And I have one young girl who their her first class was on what her limiting beliefs are. We were, you know, going through what she feels is limiting her from getting to or achieving the goals that she wants. And her mom came out to me and said we had such good conversations, not only about what her limiting beliefs are, but what mine as well and how we can really work on them. Because when you change those limiting beliefs to supportive ones, again, that’s where it all happens.

Victoria Rader [00:26:56] Now, Rahima, at the end of the episode, I always give in the notes, and in the closing, the website put people to go find out more. And that’s it’s not com it. See a Rahima is in Canada, and I know you have a special offering for those that are interested in your service. Can you tell us a little bit about that consultation that you offer?

Rahima Khoja [00:27:18] Absolutely. So when parents contact me, their children are at a point where they’re not really sure where to go from here. Do they need counseling? Will the instruction that I provide? Will that be of benefit for their child? And what I do is I offer a 30 minute, complimentary consultation with the parents so we can really kind of see where their child is. That and where I see their child could benefit from the services that I provide. And I give parents some tips and tools during that conversation as well in terms of conversations that they can actually have with their children. And just, you know, see, OK, where can my child not only benefit from this, but how can I make my child happier? How can I give them what they need to succeed?

Victoria Rader [00:28:15] Beautiful. So that would be a free session for those of you that are excited parents, you and want to kind of tap into or information for you. She’ll get you excited. She’ll get you inspired right now or you at the end of every episode. I ask these three questions, and actually, I’m going to reframe it a little bit because I always ask permission to go at some point in their life. But in your case, you work with kids. I want to take you to a point in your childhood. I want to go to any point that comes to mind when you, as a little girl, needed encouragement the most or you had a grungy that was beyond ability to work through. What was that moment and what would you tell that little Rahima today?

Rahima Khoja [00:29:02] There was a point in time where I remember I believe it was in elementary school and I was sitting on a bench and I remember being on my own and watching the other children play. And I said to myself, Why you know, how can I’m on my own here? And knowing what I know now, what I would say to that young little girl Believe in yourself. Be true to who you are. You know it’s OK that you’re on your own. Here you are amazing. You are kind. You are giving. You are a wonderful, wonderful friend. And you are enough. You are enough to what ever you want to do. Definitely.

Victoria Rader [00:29:50] I think those three words might be some of the most empowering words. You are enough.

Rahima Khoja [00:29:55] I remember being

Victoria Rader [00:29:58] Beautiful. Now where 20 years from now, when invincible kids have helped kids globally to bounce back into their beautiful, invincible spirits and rahima from 20 years comes and says by you, And what does she tell you? What do you need to hear today?

Victoria Rader [00:30:16] You knew you would always be guided to the best path. The world needs your work and this is where you’re meant to be. You’re here to make a difference. I’m so proud of your strength and your resilience until you become

Victoria Rader [00:30:35] all because you started with being enough. It is so empowering and Rehema beautiful nuggets and I hope people will look you up for the sake of their. He adds, But if there was one message or one, a one teaching that you thought that could benefit are all about the voice family the most? What would it be?

Victoria Rader [00:30:57] Definitely. There’s a quote that I came across by Rita Pierson. Every child deserves a champion, an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists they become the best that they can possibly be. So my message to the listeners here is be that champion for the child or the children in your life and make that difference, create those memories. The rippling effects will surely go on for their lifetime.

Victoria Rader [00:31:35] Oh, thank you. You are enough to be the champion. This is Rehema. Thank you so much for being here with us today.

Victoria Rader [00:31:42] Victoria, thank you so much for this opportunity.

Victoria Rader [00:31:46] This was Rehema Kaya. Wherever you are in the world, if you you’re seeking for your kid to become invincible. Book regimes free virtual consulting session on her invincible kids dot c a sight.